"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking"
"Our aircraft has reached its designated altitude, you may now unfasten your seatbelts.
Our flight attendants will be serving drinks in five minutes.
The expected flight duration is four hours and ten minutes, our current speed is AAAAH, OH FUCK, NONONONONO, HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD!!!"
The intercom cuts out.
All passengers fall silent.
In a couple of minutes the captain speaks again:
"Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. Please accept my humble apologies for my inappropriate intercom message. A steward spilled hot coffee all over me. If only you could see what happened to the back side of my shirt…"
One of the passengers gets up from his seat and says loudly:
"If only YOU could see what happened to the back side of my PANTS!"